I had an in depth conversation yesterday with three friends on Skype about the areas where women lack confidence the most.
It started off as a conversation about whether the areas in which women lack confidence are the same as for men after reading a study that said over 30% of women experience heart attacks differently to men (many women don’t experience chest pain but other symptoms…)
As usual with us introverts answers came to me hours after the conversation (4am!) as I began to wonder whether we do.
Now I have no formal study on this, it is all my own opinion, my opinion as a life coach who works with women and based on my personal experience.
After reflecting on our conversation I thought it would be great to write about this to see if you agree and also to see if you could think of any others.
5 Areas Where Women Lack Confidence The Most
1. In taking risks
Research has shown women worry more than men. We seem to have this inbuilt fear monitor that frets and worries about everything that might happen and has happened. It can stop us from stepping out and taking risks with our lives.
Being afraid of making a mistake, being afraid of making the wrong choice, being afraid of things not turning out the way we hoped and being able to beat ourselves up about it when it doesn’t keeps us stuck.
2. In taking action
I know procrastination doesn’t just affect women but it seems taking that first step, getting started and stepping through our own personal limits really stops women taking action.
I know men who talk and then do (yes, I do know men who talk and don’t do as well) and I know women who talk and then do but unfortunately I know far more women who talk, and talk, and wish and hope but never really get round to actually doing anything.
3. In the bedroom
All of us agreed that this was the toughest part of lacking self confidence.
I actually never really had any experience, advice or help with this area so I just did as I was told most of the time with no regard for whether I should expect anything in return.
Even asking for sex was something I never did – instead just waiting until I was asked. These are not issues I have any more thank goodness 🙂
4. In believing in our ability
I remember being on my Master Practitioner NLP course and there was a man who had completed his NLP beginners just like I had, but unlike me (who felt the need to learn everything before I considered taking on clients) he was already building a business and had 7 clients plus had created an audio CD that he gave out at talks.
I thought maybe my lack of action was just down to me lacking self confidence but it turned out that while many men in the room (not all of course) had been busy building their business many of us women were still considering how and when we were going to get started.
5. In being comfortable with who we are
Whether it is because we are worried about what other people think of us or we spend all our time comparing ourselves to other people we can be quite hard on ourselves and blame ourselves for everything that happens using that as a reason to feel bad.
We have allowed the image of a woman to become more about outer than inner beauty. We focus more on what our body looks like, our age and we spend time dying our hair, adding botox to our face and doing other things to defy ageing instead of embracing it.
Think about the ‘social graces’ that women have had to conform to over the years. Things that we were told to never do in public like raise our voice/display anger, talk about certain topics like sex or politics, show emotion, get drunk, burp or fart. Over the last 100 years there have been so many ways women have been told to behave and we have had to evolve so much – especially after World War II – is it surprising that sometimes we wonder how to be comfortable with ourselves.
My generation born in the 60s was raised in the most part by women born in the 40s and 50s – The generation of the 80s and 90s raised by women like myself born in the 60s and 70s – with each generation it seems the younger ones want more than their mothers had and they are getting it.
At some point hopefully balance will be achieved and a confident generation of women will be born thanks to the gifts of confidence passed down by their mothers and their grandmothers.
Do you think the areas in which women lack confidence are the same for men? Does our gender make any difference to how and why we lack self confidence?
Do you have any other areas where you believe women lack confidence the most that you would like to add?
Please feel free to contribute by leaving a comment below.