When you see a woman full of self confidence what is it you see in her that you want?

I am not talking about a woman who looks great in makeup or who is naturally beautiful (because beauty fades and with it so can self confidence) and I am not talking about a woman who is wearing the latest designer fashion and looks great in clothes.

Self confidence in this regards focuses on a woman who is free to enjoy life – freedom to live the way you want on your terms and express yourself the way you choose is a big part of being confident. This is a woman who continually works on her own personal growth, she works on being the best person she can be in every moment, learning from her mistakes and owning them when they happen.

Even without makeup, with my hair in a mess and walking around the house in sweats I can still talk, move and be confident.

I believe that this is because over the years I have developed 7 self confidence anchors that help me. (NB: I have linked to blog posts I have written on them)

1. Step over and through limiting boundaries.  I had to constantly work at not letting my fears and limiting beliefs stop me

2. Act assertively/ask for what you want.  Both of these were not available to me when I lacked self confidence and I had to learn how to do both – act assertively in situations and ask people for what I wanted.

3. Believe I deserve better/enjoy high standards.  Being single by choice I am called “fussy” and “upperty” and all kinds of words because I refuse to lower my standards when it comes to finding a partner and in other areas of my life. I just believe I deserve better and I am willing to hold out for it.

4. Complete the incompleteness.  Unresolved arguments, unpaid bills, unfinished work – I get it all done so it is not weighing heavily on my mind and sucking my energy

5. Stop putting up with what isn’t working .  If it is time to change or end something I will. I used to spend time in a job I hated, being married and unhappy, hating the way I looked. I made the decision to end things and change others – not everything has to end because it isn’t working, if I can work on it I will.

6. Focused on my personal growth and self development. You really can’t read one book or attend one course and think that everything will be better because it won’t. You need to constantly and consistently invest in your personal growth and self development but the important thing is to use what you learn until it becomes a natural part of your being.

7. Define and live my life on my terms I take into account the people who matter most to me when I make decisions like my children and my parents. Outside of that I pretty much decide what I want to do and get on with it. Opinions of children and parents will be listened to and my actions decided but I will never stop something I really want to do because they are not happy (and to be honest they would never ask me to)

These are the seven self confidence anchors that help me hold on to a life where I experience self confidence and freedom.

For me freedom is what being confident is all about – being free to be you, speak the way you choose and make decisions that will help you enjoy your life.

Why use the word anchor?

When you think about an anchor on a boat its job is to keep that boat steady and in place. To stop it from drifting off and becoming damaged.

In NLP and anchor is used to help a person associate with a particular feeling or emotion. For example if as a child you had fun playing a particular game years later as an adult if you see that game you are immediately reminded of those great times. The game has anchored you to your childhood.

Another way it is used – if at any given moment you want to remind yourself to be happy you recall happy events in order to bring up the feelings of happiness then simple touch your thumb or some other easily accessible part of your body.

You need to work with a practitioner to help this work but what happens is every time you touch that part of your body you are immediately connected to the feelings.

It is a great way to develop self confidence anchors and a great tool to have. Imagine, if before walking into a room or before standing up to give a talk you can simply press your thumb or your ear lobe and you feel confidence come flooding in to you!

So, hopefully you know why I chose to use the word anchor 🙂

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