Want something to eat my dear? They call me Mrs Carbs. What can I get for you my lovely?

What are you dying to eat right now? It’s all calorie free when it comes from me, so fill your boots and indulge. Don’t believe those carb fearing naysayers who want to keep you from me. We are meant to be you and I, so relax and enjoy.

I have meat filled pizzas, sausage and mash, steak pie and chips, apple crumble and custard. You have nothing to fear from eating them all so let go of your limits and be free. Put your diet book down, toss your lettuce aside and drain off that weak tasteless soup, they can never satisfy you like I can, my dear.

Fill your belly with bread. Stuff your face full of cake. Put another doughnut on your overfilled plate.