The Difference That Makes A Difference – Questions! Learn how to ask yourself questions because it will be a powerful way to help you build self-confidence.
Did you know that our minds can think up to 60,000 thoughts in a day?
Did that question get you thinking? What about that one?!!! Your unconscious mind will have begun searching back into your ‘database’ to see if you know the answer.
This is what makes questions so powerful, you ask and your mind starts a search for the answer. Ask the right question and who knows what that might lead to!
I love questions because they are powerful tools to stirring your emotions and feelings – an important aspect of building self confidence – which can lead on to you taking action.
You Have The Answers You Need When You Stop & Listen
The main thing to realize here is that 9 times out of 10 you will already know the answer.
Oh you may kid yourself that you “don’t know” or “can’t remember” but as you tap into the results that asking questions can provide you will begin to use your inner personal power to help you achieve success.
Even though you may think up to 60,000 thoughts in a day, more often than not they are the same thoughts, over and over, using less than 10% of your brain! Unfortunately, most of the questions are also negative or fear-based and what you need to learn is how to ask yourself questions that empower.
So how do you teach yourself to access and use the other 90% of your brain?
Great question! And the answer? Ask the right question!
Questions are important because your brain is wired to answer them.
The asking of questions instantly gets you searching for an answer, setting up a solution-focused outcome. This happens EVERY TIME you ask a question.
Think about it, have you ever asked yourself “What should I wear today?” then not given yourself an answer! As soon as you ask yourself that question your mind begins to search for what clothes are available.
Sometimes you may have to ask questions that will make you uncomfortable and ones that are necessary for personal growth like
“why is it easier for me to focus on what’s wrong with me rather than all the great things I have achieved?”
A question like that may bring up answers that will need your attention around worthiness and not believing you are good enough.
Although these things can be uncomfortable to work through when you commit the time to do that it can make all the difference.
John A Simone Sr said “The key to wisdom is knowing all the right questions”
It is important you are asking yourself the ‘right’ questions and they are always the ones that leave you wondering, send you off in search of an answer or uplift you. They are not right as in right and wrong. They are right as in the right question that gave you the answer you need. You will only know it is the right one by continually asking yourself questions!
Clients sometimes get stuck in this area because they spend so much time trying to think of the ‘perfect’ question so they do not get it ‘wrong’.
Here is something important to remember – whatever question you ask will lead you to think about a solution or possible answer and then search for another question if you need further clarification. So what I am saying here is every question you ask yourself is the right one.
If it is not providing you with an answer just change the question, but quit thinking you are doing it wrong because you have not received the answer you want!
There is no wrong question. There are just questions that may need re-wording so your answer remains positive, and this will come with practice.
Stopping Yourself From Getting Answers/Solutions
Your brain will always search for a solution or answer to a question unless you stop it in its tracks by using phrases like “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure”. Think about it for a second. If I ask you…
“What is the name of that guy who played Captain Kirk in the 1970s version of Star Trek” and you say “I don’t know” then your brain won’t bother searching for an answer but if you say “I can’t recall it but it will come back to me” you have left yourself open to receiving the answer.
It is important you don’t sabotage your desire for answers by stopping them from coming to you. The thing is phrases like “I don’t know” are used all the time so if you find yourself saying it just scream out “CANCEL THAT” and remind yourself that you are open to remembering or you are open to receiving a solution/answer.
You will need to re-train yourself and the more you use questions as a way to get answers in your life the easier it becomes.
Positive & Negative Questions
You can limit the number of questions you need to ask yourself by thinking about:
- What do I need to know?
- What outcome do I want to achieve?
- What is it you are solving or finding out about by asking the question? ? What would be really useful to ask right now?
What if I usually ask negative questions? Firstly, give yourself a break! You may have been asking negative questions until you read this article, but now, as you begin to choose a different way, you will train your mind to search for positive questions and solutions in every situation.
As you take on this new process, tune into where your negative questions/thoughts are coming from. What limiting belief, false expectation, or blame culture are they keeping in place?
Questions that create bad feelings and stress include:
• How could this person do this to me?
• Why have you not sorted this out already?
• How many times have I asked you to deal with this?
• Why do we not have this in place already to deal with it?
• Why should I deal with this?
• How could you get yourself into this position?
How does it feel just reading these questions? This way of thinking will drain your energy and has the potential to leave the person you are questioning feeling powerless.
But, to find the one positive intention here: in order to think these questions, you have to be making a comparison with something you DO actually want….or it wouldn’t be a problem.
So if you find yourself thinking about a negative question ask yourself, “What do I want to happen?” then frame your question based on this new perspective.
Here is a list of empowering questions to start you off and I encourage you to find your own. Questions are so much more powerful when we have created them ourselves.
- Who can help me achieve my outcome?
- What is great about this?
- What can I learn from this to ensure I grow and develop?
- What other support is available for me?
- What action do I need to take to ensure I overcome this?
- What will I do differently next time?
- How many resources do I have available to help me?
- What is really funny about this situation that I haven’t noticed before?
- What decisions do I need to make?
- Who can I consult to help me make those decisions?
- What am I willing to begin doing now (or stop doing now) to ensure a successful outcome?
How was that for you? Have you noticed how different it feels inside just reading these questions? Did they uplift you, or make you feel as though you can find the solution you need?
These positive questions start engaging your mind, and your creativity providing new solutions, focusing your intention and making you more determined to succeed in building your self confidence.
Being able to find the answers within to the challenges you face in life is a really important part of personal growth.
It means while you will listen to the opinion of others you will also seek your own council when it comes to finding the answers you need and being able to do that will help you feel self confident about who you are.
So, get your journal out and start thinking about the right kind of questions you want yourself to answer. I believe a powerful one is
“Why am I building my self confidence?”
You want to know the answer to that question because it will help keep you motivated. When you know your WHY when things get rough it will keep you focused.
You can also ask
“What will be the impact on my life if I don’t raise my self confidence?”
Now the answers to that question might not make you feel great but don’t worry – because you already have your WHY and together they will help you keep going. You know why you are building your self confidence and you know what the impact will be if you stop building it so all you have is one massive reason to stay on track!