My 42nd birthday I began to think my life is over despite the old adage that says life begins but then I thought why not focus on evaluating my life and finding a way to believe I could go on and have at it as I am only halfway through and midlife is the time to question what’s next and where I should go or what have I achieved or what do I still have to do. There were many things I set out to do that never happened in the way I had hoped but each time I dusted myself off and tried again wondering how many attempts must one make before deciding to concede and settle for the way life is right now never wanting any more. I decided not to go into crisis because being naughty was more fitting to who I am when I discover the real me the true me not the me I hide behind and the me that everyone else sees as so polite and calm, who is she anyway that woman who is so very good and missing out on all the fun there is to have if only passion could be identified and pursued with all my heart never wanting to play safe again but to continue running towards my souls desire while reaching for and scoring goals that are celebrated by me if not by everyone else. This is my moment to do something new every day and live for experiences that bring me closer to writing my truth and eliminating the pain as writing so expertly does buried deep within me is the power to use words to heal a soul and share them with the world.
Written as a stream of consciousness – this has been taken from a journal entry