Today was one of those days when every fibre in my being was tested. The one thing I wanted to achieve when I first read the wisdom of Florence Shinn was to bring good into my life on a regular basis and it just seems as if everything was out to test me on this one today. I know to bring more good in my life I must give out more good.
Florence has taught me that I can only receive that which I give out and so I did my best to give out love and goodness to the man on the street who became rude when he decided I didn’t give him enough money. Then at work while the boss was out and my colleagues sat around laughing and talking I did my best to give out good and continue doing my work (and their work too sometimes) but at some point I snapped. That wasn’t one of my best moments but I moved on from it. The usually miserable girl at the counter was at least happy when I stopped for my coffee after work. I smiled at her and I made conversation. I wished her a wonderful evening and she responded. I gave it out and it felt good. The man who sat next to me on the train and cursed when I spilled a little bit of coffee on him (after he rushed to sit on the chair next to me instead of a woman who was walking towards it) didn’t dampen my spirits too much.
Some days I wonder how much more I can give in order to get. I wonder when this will all become easier and more natural rather than forced and very artificial. It is a process diary and I made progress today. I took one more step towards getting by giving. I guess no one can fault me for that. I understand when the very act of giving is my pleasure and I expect nothing more then I will have truly mastered giving in its truest sense. I can tell you I am not there yet.