So how do you stay calm, composed and maintain your desire to work towards building your self-confidence in a tough environment?
It isn’t always easy, so be ready to let yourself off the hook. Sometimes you may take one step forward and go back five steps.
As long as you notice where you are and begin moving forward again that really is all that matters.
This isn’t going to be a journey with a straight path. You will be pulled left and right, taken up and down, but the gold at the end of the journey will make it all worth it.
To help you understanding some of the things that may affect your efforts I want you to imagine yourself as a Bank Account.
Everything and everyone else around you will either add to your bank account by depositing something or take away by withdrawing. I want to focus first on the people that you allow to withdraw.
These withdrawals have the potential to destroy your confidence building efforts and pull you down if you let them. People who have known you for a long time and know how to push your buttons (to withdraw) are the worst!
But it is important to remember that this can happen ONLY if you allow it so don’t give them permission to get the better of you.
It is important to understand that it isn’t only people that might ruin your chances of building your confidence – YOU can be your own worse enemy so watch out for that too.
Here are a few of the regular withdrawals you might find taking place as you work towards building self-confidence.
You may consider this a starter guide to confidence building and what to watch out for:
Bank Withdrawal #1: Past Experience
It’s okay to cry and say “ouch!” when we experience pain. But don’t let pain transform itself into fear and affect what you will allow yourself to take part in, in the future. It might grab you by the ears and swing you around but don’t let that be the end. Treat whatever events you decide to call “failure” as a lesson with something to learn about yourself and/or how you relate to people.
Bank Withdrawal #2: Other People’s Behavior
Bulldozers, brown nosers, gossipmongers, whiners, backstabbers, snipers, people walking wounded, controllers, naggers, complainers, exploders, patronizers, sluffers… all these kinds of people will pose bad vibes for your confidence building. But only if you let it.
These are all people who lack confidence and self esteem – if you are part of them right now resolve to stop and work towards being more positive.
Whenever you can take yourself out of that environment and at some point let them know you are choosing not to engage in it anymore (Exercise: make this the first of your milestones if you like. Being able to assert yourself with people that you couldn’t in the past will feel like a great achievement for you – and it is)
Bank Withdrawal #3: Changing Environment
The biggest fear for many of us is change. It was for me. I grew up with a dad who wanted everything to stay the same, so I picked up on the fear.
As a result I always did my best to keep the status quo and never planned to do anything different or do anything different like seeing the world.
Change challenges our paradigms.
It tests our flexibility, adaptability and alters the way we think. Changes will make life difficult for awhile, it may cause stress but it will help us find ways to improve our selves. Change will be there forever, we must be susceptible to it.
As you begin building your confidence you are changing, get used to that fact or it may end up stopping you.
Bank Withdrawal #4: Negative World View
Look at what you’re looking at. Don’t wrap yourself up with all the negativities of the world. In confidence building, we must learn how to make the best out of what we believe to be the worst situations.
Wayne Dyer always says that you will see the world to be a place that presents how you look at it (if you focus on the negative you will mainly see and experience the negative) and the only way to change it is not to focus on changing the world but to change the way WE look at the world.
Bank withdrawal #5 : Negative Work Environment
Beware of “dog eat dog” theory where everyone else is fighting just to get ahead. This is where people with no self confidence who are aggressive thrive. Instead learn to build your self confidence so that everyone you meet is treated with respect. You never have to step on another person to get ahead – confident people know that.
Bank Withdrawal #6: Determination Meter
The way you are and your behavioral traits is said to be a mixed end product of your inherited traits (genetics), your upbringing (psychic), and your environmental surroundings such as your spouse, the company, the economy or your circle of friends. You have your own identity. If your father is a failure (a drunk, a drug addict etc), it doesn’t mean you have to be a failure too. Learn from other people’s experience, so you’ll never have to encounter the same mistakes.
Bank Withdrawal #7: Laziness & Excuses Effect
I kept this one for last because it is one of the most important. Whether you want to call it procrastination, indecision, stagnation – it is the act of stopping. Now, there are times when stopping to take stock is important but this is different.
Fear may be keeping you still or the unknown.
At these times you will need to be really honest with yourself and take a long hard look at why you are not doing your confidence building exercises, or reading that book you said you were going to read.
Pick up on when you are being lazy about your personal growth.
The other huge withdrawal is also made by you and they are called “excuses” – we all have them and we all use them but they will hurt no one but you. Maybe you do have a great excuse today about why you can’t finish reading one chapter but if you are still using the same excuse four weeks from now I will have to question your desire to make this happen.
You Have To Choose & Desire Confidence
Building your self-confidence and staying positive is a choice not a rule or a talent.
God won’t come down from heaven and say – “Betty, you now have my permission to build your self-confidence and improve yourself.” – that is a decision only Betty can make!
In life, it is hard to stay tough especially when things and people around you keep wanting to make a bank withdrawal.
Life’s options give us arrays of more options and on our journey we will get hit and bruised.
All we can do is put on our bulletproof armor and make the clear decision to make a positive change in our life. The kind of change which comes from within. Voluntarily.
Personal growth changes 3 things: our attitude, our behavior and our way of thinking.
What I offer here through my confidence building handbook will eventually lead your towards building your self-confidence if you start to become responsible for who you are, what you have and what you do.
It begins as a tiny flame that will gradually spread like a brush fire from the inside out.
When we develop confidence we take control of our mission, values and discipline, which brings about feelings of confidence, true assessment, and determination.
So how do you start putting up the building blocks of confidence building?
• Be positive.
• Be contented and happy.
• Be appreciative.
• Never miss an opportunity to compliment.
A positive way of living will help you build confidence which becomes your starter guide to building your self-confidence.