Session six and the final part of my eCourse – how to ask for what you want
There’s an age old personal development saying that goes
“If you always do what you always did. Then you’ll always get what you always got!”
Another popular way to say it is
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results”
What do they mean….?
It means if you want your outcome to be different then you need to do something different. If you know that you like to smoke after eating lunch and you are trying to quit then arrange to do something directly after lunch that will take your mind off smoking. Whether its going for a walk or having lunch in the office (if you usually go out for lunch). This is about changing your normal pattern of doing things.
If you are trying to lose weight and you know when you buy a packet of biscuits and bring them into work you end up eating half the packet then don’t buy them! Even if you are known as the person to go and chat to because you always have biscuits 🙂
Thinking you can buy the packet and not eat any (while they sit in front of you tempting you to take one) or believing that you can buy the packet of biscuits and only eat one just won’t work. You are doing the same thing and expecting different results. Chances are in 9 times out of 10 the result will be the same. You will end up eating half the packet.
Changing your habit patterns is important if you want to make change or you want to succeed where you might normally give up.
So take a look at your usual habits and asking yourself “how’s that working out for me?” – if you find in the past it didn’t work that well then change what you are doing.
If you are looking to ask for what you want look at what normally stops you from asking or look at how you usually ask and do something different. Do you usually beg people, or make them feel guilty if they don’t help you.
If you are not getting people on your side and they usually say no when you ask for help then consider changing the way you do that.
Other areas you may want to think about when it comes to always doing what you always did….
Are you in a new relationship? – take a look at how you interacted in your past relationships and see what didn’t work. Were you distant? Could you change that and talk more. Were you unreliable? Can you make a commitment to do something and fulfill on your promise?
Are you looking to achieve a goal? Why haven’t you achieved them in the past? If you set a goal what do you do that stops you from achieving it? How can you change that? If you know you always set your targets too high “How’s that working out for you?” – if it isn’t then consider making your target easier to achieve.
Are you always arguing with your teen? When they walk through the door do you find yourself asking them “Where have you been?” or “What have you been doing?” These questions make a teen feel as if you are accusing them and puts them into defense mode… especially if they walk in expecting you to ask that. Instead just ask them how they are, ask them how their day went. Change the habit of always sounding as if you are about to complain at them and just start a conversation instead.
I hope that was useful. Remember if you always do what you always did then you will always get what you always got!