In the past one of the things I did to myself was to put myself down. One day I realized that continually repeating negative statements about myself would do nothing in helping me build self confidence.
For some reason I actually found it easier to focus on what I did wrong or what wasn’t working than I did about anything that went right. As you build self confidence there will be limiting beliefs that you have, which will stop you and I remember using seven negative statements that are particularly harsh. If any of these are things you say to yourself it is time to create positive affirmations to counter act them.
If I Am Not Confident Now I Never Will Be
I used this statement to get me off the hook and give up trying to be more self-confidence, especially after a particularly bad event.
Eventually I understood that everything – good and bad – was supporting my goal to become the person I wanted to be.
All I had to do was learn the lesson in each event and use it to help me become stronger.
If You Really Knew Me You Wouldn’t Want To
This was during my phase when as a introvert I felt I had to act like an extrovert in order to get people to like me and I would become someone I am not.
I forced myself to be lively and jolly pretending that life was great when most days it wasn’t. I really hated this period of my life and yet it became one of my greatest learning periods.
I’m Never Going To Be Good Enough To Do This
As my self confidence began to grow I began to step out and try new things. Little things at first like changing jobs rather than sticking to one I hate because I was too afraid to move.
I read through job adverts and convinced myself that I am just not good enough as a way to stop me from taking a risk and moving on. Again, I discovered a lot about how I sabotaged my life when I stopped and reflected on what I was doing.
I Am Not Good Enough To Be Loved
This one kept me stuck in a relationship I was unhappy with for many years and even once I finally decided to leave it, it kept me in short-term useless relationships with men who wanted nothing more than a weekend of fun without commitment.
That actually worked for me at the time but eventually I could see that the only reason I believed these worked is because I didn’t believe I was good enough to be loved and also because I was too afraid to commit again.
There Is No Point In Getting Excited About Anything
It was almost as if I was raised with this. No point in getting excited about anything, planning for anything, trying for anything beyond what I was capable of (which wasn’t much at the time) because it might not work out. I might fail or get hurt.
So life just kind of cruised along not particularly unhappy but never particularly exciting or happy either.
Even now I still have moments where I feel like that and have to pull myself out of it. There is nothing wrong with never feeling unhappy of course but indifference is not really something I want to celebrate.
I Should Have Sorted This Out By Now
A great one for anyone who has spent years building their self confidence and looking at how you think, feel and behave. Maybe you have attended several seminars and workshops, bought books, audios etc.
I got to a point where I thought why is this still affecting me in this way, shouldn’t I have worked through this by now – shouldn’t these feelings have gone?! Something to remember is that you may never completely get rid of emotions and feelings but you will learn how to manage them should they return.
Every body is different so I can’t say anything for certain – you have to learn how to know yourself – but the reality is we learn how to manage our moments of doubt, or fear in the moment.
I still feel fearful or doubtful at times but they no longer cripple me. I see moments like that as my inner guidance system asking me to check everything out or to reconnect with myself so I can go through what is happening.
Yes, sometimes I may dismiss them too – especially doubt – but its never good to just dismiss or deny your feelings without checking out what made them appear in the first place.
It Will Take Too Long To Change
At the beginning of my journey 20 years ago this is the statement that nearly stopped me from changing my life to what it is now – a self expressed, assertive woman who lives her life based on what makes her happy.
I kept thinking about all the people who might be upset at the fact that I was changing or who might get annoyed at me changing my mind (I changed my mind a lot once I understood how to be assertive and say no to things!)
There may have been more than these seven negative statements that were nearly the cause of limiting my ability to build self confidence but these are the ones that stood out the most. All you can do is appreciate their significance in your life.
That’s all I did. Understanding that there are no negative intentions only positive ones you can look at negative statements and see what positive purpose they are trying to serve in your life.
All of the statements outlined above were there to protect me in some way – to stop me from getting hurt – and once I could see that then I was able to make a choice about whether I avoid being hurt and stay stuck or whether I aim for something new and believe I will achieve something great as a result.