Since starting on my quest to discover the Gospel in August and to understand the teachings of Jesus Christ I have been asking questions about some of the “laws” of being a good Christian and the toughest one for me is no sex before marriage.

No drinking is flexible. You can drink but not to the point you get drunk (well at least in the eyes of some Christians) and its all about moderation. There are a few churches who just don’t allow it.

Smoking. You can continue smoking until such time as you make the decision to stop because you know its not good for your long term health.

Bad language – profanity needs to end. It’s just not acceptable and I need to work my way towards being in a place where I don’t use it. Its not a major part of my vocab but when I get going the air can turn a darker shade of blue! It’s only around people I am comfortable with and close friends so most people don’t even know how much I use it. I’m happy to let it go though and am working on it.

There are a couple I struggle with though…..

The gay community are welcome in church but at some point if they want to truly be a Christian will have to give up being gay – as if they can just give it up like you can smoking. That’s like asking me to give up being black! If being a Christian is all about love and acceptance then shouldn’t everyone be accepted exactly as they are????

Sex before marriage. There is just no give and take on this one at all. You just CAN NOT do it. Sex before marriage is not allowed and that’s it. But what I cant understand is WHY… and please dont tell me about it being wrong in God’s eyes because that’s not enough. I need to know WHY it is wrong in His eyes, who says it is and where. I understand its important not to sleep around and pick people up for one night stands but if you are in a loving committed relationship why not?

If I decided to never get married again does that mean I have to spend my life without intimacy?

Speaking to my cousin and my Pastors wife made me realise that I have been touched by the Holy Spirit and this is all now about my relationship between me and God. I enjoy thinking about it that way otherwise I would question alot of negative stuff that happens in the name of religion. So rather than focus on what others are doing I will focus on my own actions and how my actions impact my relationship with God.

I can understand the desire that develops when you wait.

I can understand the importance of sharing yourself with one soul that “belongs” to you because you are married.

I can appreciate the bond that develops as you spend time getting to know each other without sex being in the way (I guess you just do a lot of talking 😉 )

I can see all of that and yet ultimately isn’t it about personal choice? I don’t even get to choose whether I want to wait until I get married I just get told that I HAVE to wait and I guess that is what bothers me the most. Doing something I feel I HAVE to do rather than something I choose to.

I have more questions than answers, know less than I know more (and need to keep learning) and am losing the happiness and feeling of being uplifted that comes from attending church because it is being clouded by some “rules” I am not happy following.

These are very frustrating times 🙂