One of the things about showing sincere affection – whether you are conscious of what you are doing or not – is that there will always be those people who turn it into something it definitely is not.
I remember in 2005 inviting a plumber round to take a look at my heating system because it needed work done to it. This was someone I met at a BNI breakfast meeting so the assumption is that you are pretty safe in their hands. He came over and immediately picked up on my energy and decided to turn it into an excuse to get way too familiar.
I took him to court for “sexual assualt” and lost because when the Police came round to take a statement the original two officers who visited made no notes and went back to their office and wrote up our conversation. Turns out in his notes he put something that this man had done to me that I didn’t mention (because it didn’t happen).
Because of that I was made out to be the one lying – after all the Police never make mistakes, right….! It couldn’t possibly be that in the journey from my house back to the station he made an error and put down something I didn’t say.
The worst of it is I never saw what he wrote. It was passed on to a Detective Constable (D.C.) and he came to see me – so I didn’t even sign to say that what this officer had written was correct.
But it seems the Police are never wrong so it must be me that’s made it up and is lying!
Don’t you just love the legal system.
Ultimately though I did what I set out to do and that was to ensure he thought twice before trying anything else with other women. This man walks into the homes of women all the time and let’s face it many wives wouldn’t tell her husband this man touched her. In most cases the response would probably be “what did you do to make him do that!”
Not only did this man go around touching women but he then talked about being a “trained professional” who could help me through whatever I was going through. Imagine that….. a trained psycho-plumber who wanted to mess me up and fix me at the same time. :p
Despite the fact that I was in a solid 2 year relationship at the time they made out I was lonely and desperate.
Despite the fact that another woman in the BNI group (in fact 2 women) went to court to speak up against him it was all lost because of something an officer wrote down hours after talking to me.
That event made me question what it is I was “giving off” to invite such trouble and it made me question ever being open with another human being (man!) again. My partner at the time – ever supportive human being that he is – pleaded with me to not let this change who I am. The very quality I was about to try and stifle was what he loved best about me. And I guess if I had tried to stop being me then this plumber “man” would have won.
I have learnt to draw it back into me though when I want to. I had to remember that I have complete control of my body, energy, and thoughts and now I can become completely “unattractive and un-noticeable” if I feel the need to.